I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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