on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
