I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
