then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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