If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize