areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
