so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
