I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize