Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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