This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
