I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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