Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
