this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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