remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
