Having a random hookup so left but love u
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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