I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
