I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize