The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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