highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize