My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
