There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Welp...herpes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
