"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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