Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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