my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
