I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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