i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
