apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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