You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
