my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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