Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
