if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
