Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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