sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize