if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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