Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
