Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
