i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
where are you?
Hypothermia
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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