Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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