I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize