What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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