How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
