my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
