big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
