Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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