i permit you to call me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
