My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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