Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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