I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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