I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Drake has all the answers
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
