Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
