He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
