i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
