i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
