That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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