The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
