Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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