the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
