You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
