i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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