my soul wont recognize me after tonight
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
