Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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