I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
