I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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